I graduated in May from a gigundinormous university in the western region of the country. Now I'm going to intern at a gigundinormous amusement park in the eastern region of the country. I leave tomorrow morning.
That explanation didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would.
Have you seen any of these commercials?
They're for Tropicana Trop50 juice and they're all along the same lines as this one. And they're all so terrible that I can't decide what effect they have on my brain yet, but it's one of the following. They're so stupid they either:
1. Make my brain hurt so intensely that the pain seeps through my brain and into my hair,
2. Numb my brain so intensely that my body cools down so much that it turns into an ice sculpture,
3. Make my brain explode, or
4. Make my brain hurt so much that it numbs itself to protect me from the pain, then explodes, shattering the ice my body has become encased in, sending ice shards everywhere and killing anything around me.
I kind of like #4. At least I take anyone else who's been exposed to this commercial down with me.
Now, is this commercial actually a brilliant and subtle statement on the shallowness and vanity of modern society? Does this commercial look down upon Jane Krakowski for allowing the word "gooder" only when it flatters her vanity? Is the Trop50 campaign actually saying that a woman has intelligent worth and should not just be a sex symbol? No.
From the first, we have to ask why orange juice is now being marketed as a product for women. It's not because it's tasty, it's because it's sexy. The message being sent, starting with the hour-glass shape of the
The juice's main selling point is that it has "50% less calories and sugar." Ok. Ok. Pause. We'll get back to that.
After an obligatory juice tasting and "Mmmm," the commercial rounds out with an attempt at humor by using the made up word "gooder" multiple times.
Now, remember the "50% less calories" line? Good. You don't suffer from short-term memory loss. Hooray! Now, Trop50 people, don't try to make a grammar joke and pretend there's any way it could be intelligent when, 5 seconds before, you made one of grossest grammar errors ever. It should be "50% fewer calories," and nothing else.
Now, the whole "gooder" fiasco is not funny. It's just not. I don't think I have to explain this too much, but I will make a few brief points about it. The commercial is not trying to show that the juice is so delicious that the women lost all ability to think of any way to describe it other than adding "er" to "good." If the juice had overpowered all their senses, this may not have been so awful. But no, coming up with "gooder" was reasoned out by these women. If the juice tastes good, then logically the fact that it'll also not fatten them up is "gooder." The whole "gooder" thing does not come across as intelligent women being playful. They look like idiots with a limited vocabulary. But it's OK, because with "50% less calories," at least they'll look good. Maybe even gooder.
What these commercials fail to understand is that there is a line between charming silliness and raging stupidity. Also, the line is not that fine. So to shoot for one and land in the other must have taken a concerted effort by everybody involved, because my brain is no longer intact inside my skull. Which probably means that I'm now qualified to write for Trop50.
Now, am I being too sensitive? Is anybody else out there tired of women being marketed to like idiots?
Anyways, this post didn't have as much fun as I like to have, so here! Have this cute picture! I may not be able to post tomorrow through Sunday since I'll be driving for far more hours than I'd like, so this should tide you over til I can post again.
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